I have been looking forward to being a mom since my marriage started and even more so after I found out about OM as it seemed impossible to get pregnant as I couldn't have intimacy not because of OM but because of my fear of physical pain all because of a bad experience in my youth. So when the OW gave that information to my mother-in-law and she let me know, I felt like I was totally “disadvantaged”. I really saw it as completely impossible. And I think that there I began to desire it more strongly, I wanted God to show his power in my impossibility.
For a while, after my marriage was restored, I tried to promote the pregnancy, until my Heavenly Husband brought it to light and took me to ask Him and Federico for forgiveness. At that moment I told to Federico that I wanted to be a mother (he didn't know) but that I understood that he didn't want to and that's why he left that decision in his hands and I promised not to try anything about it again.
A few months later I was sad for a while because I did not see progress in his desire to be a father, one night crying I told my Heavenly Husband that it really was something I wanted but that I wanted to let go of it with all my heart and I told him that I wanted him to It helped me to be happy whether I had children or not, that I wanted to be happy in any circumstance and that it didn't affect me in any way. The next day he took me to dinner for him and myself, where He gently reminded me of the promises He made to me at the beginning of my journey and reminded me of how He made the impossible possible when he healed me and took away the fear of intimacy.
Time has passed and recently I found myself giving thanks to him for the life he has given me, for everything at all because I have loved every minute of my restoration journey with him, and I was surprised when I told Him with such emotion that I was so happy and Satisfied that I no longer wanted to have children if it meant losing what we had now, I actually wanted that time with Him, I began to feel some fear of getting pregnant and losing the time we spent together and the blessing of encouraging and ministering to women. But, I'm glad I finally let go and I'm so glad whatever happens, I'm full and satisfied with Him and His plan for me.
And how it usually happens, is when we blurt out that things suddenly change… during my vacation last week, my Heavenly Husband revealed to me that it is my husband who is now seriously thinking about having children, Federico said it openly to relatives who visited us projecting him into a very near future and I must say that I was pleased to see that my Beloved changed his heart but especially that even with this I did not feel that desire that I had before. It was then that I could see why my heart was wrong back then, and that is because I was competing in my heart with the OM, I wanted to show her that I could give my husband children and that God was with me.
Now I am free from all this, I no longer compete with anyone, I feel in peace and harmony with whatever my Beloved wants to give me, I no longer worry and for that, I want to praise Him, because He knows how to cover every need in my heart, the makes me feel satisfied in everything.
“Strength and honor are his clothing and he laughs at the future” P3125
"The heart of man in the hands of God is like a river follows the course that He has traced for it." P211